"im hungry again. and quite dizzy. should i continue the articles reading. ?? yes. huhuhu :(("

"must change my tumblr theme next time :| and i must clean and do what i have to do NOW! -__-"

041512 1:54pm

dammit, its kinda official now. i hate her. huhu. well. ive said this already and im saying this again. that its easier to say that i do hate her than saying that i love her. Lord God, sorry if I’m being like this. but yeah, i must not let myself forget the love for my mom. to be normal, and hopefully happy and living. i shouldnt stop loving. many would say that your mom isnt the hardest one to love. after all the sacrifices, uhm and what. change topic. hate this dirty house of ours. and. i am in love with him. im kinda wondering if thats grammatically correct. and second thing, if im stupid enough that he might also like me. more unrealistic is he like me at present. oohh. see how the mood changes :”>. enough with the intro about my feelings at this moment. 

so yeah, classes will start again tomorrow. after last semester we were given 3 weeks vacation. i actually thought we will just have 2 weeks. i kinda planned to spend my free time to study, maybe to prepare myself for summer classes. i have made a schedule on my mind. maybe i was wrong in doing that. i should have made it formal or more real. like putting in on paper right? because obviously i failed. i think i can think of the reasons why i failed. its just hot. never enjoyed summer, really. plus we’re doing this energy saving thingy so we cant just turn on the air con when we want to. electric fan doesnt help a lot. it just gives you extra hot air. its like a blower put in a medium hot mode. its so hot that you cant think of anything right to ease the hotness (literal hotness) that my body is feeling. but this mid april the temperature i guess starting to decrease by now. the irritated feeling is quite not there anymore. the high temperature i guess is quite bearable. aside from summer. our house is just a big mess. i would really love to move to a different place. where the water doesnt contain chlorine; which just destroys our hair :(, where its always clean. i dont want to own a big house anymore. because the bigger your house is, the more effort you need to clean everything. third thing. my life is just plain boring. if one person will plan to do a three week review. he will not be able to do it unless he’s a pure genius. unfortunately i am not one. after forcing myself for three days, i gave up. actually there were kind of like unplanned things to do so other plans is just ruined. and when your plan is cut or there was just something that changes the was you want things to go, you just want to stop already. well i have stopped. i just hope they will not ask for recitations. cmon its summer. they should give us a break. :| but duh. gosh. 4thyr, thesis, cpa board exam and job. whew -_-. 

so uh, what was that? what i have to now… fix my things for later. and somehow, clean our room. will i celebrate mass here or in manila…. hmm. let me think about that after i’m done with the things that i have to do. ah yeah. i always remind myself about this and i always fail, i dont want to fail this time, please. so here is it. plan 001:

~ blog post every email post about what… fine. email post about my day. just to keep my sanity and my mind working. this is not communication stuff related, fine. if i just want to add professional stuff, i may. better. :) 

~ one long news article, and one long opinion article. just one of each, please. :)

~15min read of anything related to accounting firms or anything related to the profession. better :)

three things. just three. i hope this post will not be forgotten. <3

i just remember. i have this fantasy. stupid, weird, malandi, whatever. cos he posted his cellphone number once, it was posted as part of a comment for a facebook post. so there, i can save or even memorize his number.  can but a new sim, an i will just use it when i wanted to text him. but then, because of the adjectives i mentioned, i dont wanted to forget the idea. but isnt it just too exciting. maybe this is just that maybe-he-also-likes-me thing. we should let this pass, and wait for the spark to be gone. haha, the spark. and i hate me for always waiting, just waiting most of the time. :| even if sometimes i know that its wrong to just wait. but thats what i do because i dont have the courage yet, to do something else.  :|

032912 1131am

here’s the thing. i had a fb chat with a friend. i thought of asking her if we can be roommates and she should look for a place where both of us can stay this summer or maybe next semester. after some friend-chat, she had shared that part of their curriculum is the ojt and she doesnt have a final job yet. one company called her already but i guess it needs a final interview or confirmation but she has not received that thing yet. she had submitted application forms to accounting firms. at the middle of the chat i realized that i know nothing about this. well actually i am not sure if wat i know is enough for me to attend a job interview or even a mock interview. i was studying accounting for three years already and there are so many basic things that i should know which i do not know yet. poor me. and so i thought this should be the right time. it might be late but at least im trying to follow their pace, the path or whatever. i should stop being distracted with boys and with the do-i-really-want-to-do-this thought. next tuesday, grades will be out. and if i passed all of my courses that is just a sign or not a sign maybe a uhm, if i passed all subjects then i can now say that i survived, it has been three years and still i am surviving. i should stop saying that there was luck in there. i should stop that way of thinking. i should also stop making garbage blogs. my entries should always be about career related stuff. i have one year left. one year. i am kind of used to do things in a slow pace. but i need to change that. i guess thats it. enough of all the things i need to do. i should start working. yeah right

i have watched 2 videos already. in the first video. hm what did i remember from it. ah, that i should attend important events. second video, companies are more interested with things that applicants have done already rather than the things which they plan to do in the company. there ;)

last reminders:

CAREER RELATED BLOGS

CAREER RELATED ARTICLE READING

CAREER RELATED VIDEO WATCHING

I should stop being innocent about career related stuff. yes, thats how i say it. cos obviously i dont know much about the accounting career yet. poor me.

my journey continues… being lazy, making a long list of excuses, giving up, stopping, getting sick n’ tired of this are not part of my options. :)

0700pm 020812

kakafb ko lang eh. emo ako kanina. plano ko talagang magdrama dito. kaso lang marami akong nasagap na positive energy sa fb kaya parang wala nako sa mood para gawin to. gutom pa ko. pero let me try

start tayo kahapon. my time was centered to just one subject. i am really afraid of our professor. i know that i will be called for recitation thats why i have to be prepared. we had a quiz in tax today. i didnt prepare for that because i was really just spent my time for the other subject. ang masaklap eh waley pa rin. i was called and i didnt answer the problem wit full knowledge and confidence. i was guided in answering plus i wasnt asked to explain. i felt that my professor was being patient, i didnt sense anger from her. but still it was quite embarrassing. because i was like a grade school student being told what to do. the one assigned to me was really easy. i was just not prepared, and a bit nervous, and thats why my brain didnt work that well. it was very disappointing because i exerted a lot of efforts just to be ready in any question but when i was called, i still looked like i know nothing. 

let me finish this fast because i still have more important things to do. i should have look in the brighter side and actually i guess i have already move on. my body is feeling weak today thats why maybe i didnt have enough energy to be in an emo state. the bright side is, its done. though i know that i will be called again because its not yet enough. because i did prepare i didnt feel very nervous and i wasnt very embarrass; just a little. im hungry. because i studied the lesson, i will exert less effort next time. i wonder if this would be true. and i remember my friend was feeling good because she did quite great. i admit i was feeling a little jealous and bitter. its just that i also want to feel that way but i cant because i was just not that ready, lucky or whatever :|. i really need to learn how to be happy for other people or at least act happy just because they are happy even though deep inside i really feel so bad. the end

post from email

012412 0916pm

so i was reading her posts. i am really a fan. i hope that someday i will also write the way she does. or its better to say that i should have my own style in writing. actually its best to say that i may be able to uhm express my intelligence through writing. it seems that i was not born to be a writer or i just needs practice and more reading. the keyboard sucks btw. itz hard to type. -_- 

so uh i have 5 subjects today, 3 professors were absent. and tomorrow i also expect that there will be no pressure yet because we just had our exams, we need to correct/check them and teachers must compute our grades. i’ve decided that i must make some extra efforts to make bawi because my past performance in all subjects is bad. library the whole day again. and i must save money. besides, there’s nothing to waste anyway. -_- i hope mommy will give me money tomorrow. k. thats it. i have nothing else to say. sad. always frustrated, huhu. i need to go back to our room. kbye. i hope she was okay even without my presence. 

041612 0855pm

since i wasnt able to go to the library today, instead of having an email post, i am having this post here in tumblr about my day. Today is our first day of summer classes. it was kind of diffrent from the past first days of school which i had before because this time i was quite excited and was really looking forward to this day. here it comes and i must say this day is great.

here we go again, mentioning how great our day was. i am noe having thoughts of having a bad one tomorrow. but yeah, i think i must just rewrite my notes and do a little bit of review and my feelings and mind will be calm again. 

so what happened? woke up at 530 then finished my bath at 630. went to school at almost 8am and i headed to hall c, our classroom fore the whole summer. quite shocked that its already full of people and the temperature is really high. there are 2 aircons present in that room but no one would tell that it was turned on the moment i entered because everybody were just talking so their breaths contributed to the hotness of the room. 

our professor for the first subject was absent. that is a two hour class so i sat there at my seat for two hours. staring at nowhere, listeneing to my cp’s mp3 with the volume turned to the highest mode. i did have small chats with my seatmate. nothing really awkward happened about my day. its just the rommate thing. yeah. i wonder when will that thing end. maybe i just have to ignore soe actions and facial expressions. i should care more, but not to the point that i am worried that i may not meet her expectations. and act normal. its like being myself and making small adjustments for people who deserve to be taken care of.

next subject was tax. it was fun. with sir tabag as our prof, it was a fun experience listening to him. he does some gay expressions, tone of voice, accent or whatever. but he is good too. he explains different topics very well at the same time he doesnt fail to make me laugh. good job for him. ;) i guess i will love tax this summer <3

lastle is finaac with sir mac. it was great too. its just that, its a four hour class and i slept late last night so i felt sleepy in the middle of the class. but it was still nice to see him again. the lesson that was discussed hours ago was new and i was quite slow so i really didnt quite get the whole thing. i must review later. yeahmen :D

hmm. it feels like i miss a few details about my experience in class. anyway at the end of the day i met edliz, she photocopied some of my reviwers for the subject finacc2. ad after that she decide to come with me in thew sm. i am quite sure that we really miss each other and that we’re both lonely in the past few days becuase we talk a lot and that is just great. there was no awkwardness even if we havent met or talked for a long time already or often or whatever, true friend i must say :). we were both hungry when we reach sm. then i saw sir mac. it was really embarassing. cos i should be studying and not walking in the mall floors. i hope nothing will happen weird tomorrow. and i am forever thankful to see his smile everyday, my crush. not sir. k? we went to man inasal and  we waited for more than 20 mins i guess. good thing there chicken is really good. and right now i am hungry again cos we walk a long way to reach the place where she waits for the transpo vehicle whatsover. hha. what was that. kbye. end of post. :D

email001

so yeah i am wrting. again. even though im not sure if i am in the mood or do i even have anything to write. so i only have a few days before the start of summer classes and i wanted to be prepared for it somehow. my plan was to study three subjects. i assigned the forst two for my first free week. but i failed. and now i am in the second week i hope i will be able to sudy finacc this week and next week. since my screen is in miniature mode. i dunno if i am writing  or spelling the words right. so uh. i have to read something before i sleep! i hope i wont be tired of reminding myself of the things that i need to do each day. i hope those reminders will not be useless. cos i will be more disappointed if classes will start again and me recalling the very unproductive free days that i had. i always remind myself of three things. i need to study, thesis and job. those arw the things that i have to do now, in a few months and in another few months. thinking about all these stuff plus i am turning 20 plus i will be asking myself what am i doing with my life. ive already said that i should stop asking myself questions like, am i happy and so i really want to do this. because those questions should have been answered by now. those questions are for quite lost teens who do not know what to do with there life yet. even though right now i am not sure if i have good answers for those questions already, i guess i have to skip and just forget them. i have to uhm move on, move forward and think of myself as an adult. this is kinda stressing huh. i dont know if im just lieing to myslef or what. whew. well actually i think i have to correct something. about the three things that bother me these days. its these: thesis, board exam, and job. i do a lot of thinking and less acting. omg. just dont forget the crs my dear. career related stuff? k?does this really have sense. k, lets talk about my day. theres actually nothing much to say. i stayed in our awful house the whole day, not to mention the sometimes awful people and the very awful temperature or weather. its so hot in the philippines right now -_-. and its so dirty in our house. what food did i have for the day. hmm. fried fish, and shrimp with soup for lunch. cake, chicken for breakfast. the rest of my snacks are ice cream and pichi pichi. ice cream wa brought by my sister. and when she arrived she really had to mention that the icecream that she bought was cheap. well, maybe thats the right thing to do because we may expect more than right. and of course she dont want us to get disappointed. well i didn take a bath today. but i brushed my teeth, so… uhm, we watched taken. i wrote that in my planner. and lso that the daddy wa cool, his skills and moves. and the movie wasnt really that great in terms of making people cry r be touched by the scenes. the whole production was focused on the action that was present in the movie. the daddy was really awesome, and while watching i remember my dad telling us to watch the movie because its great. of course he found it great because for sure he was able to relate to it cos hes a dad plus he has four daughters. i have nothing to say already. kbye. i miss being normal. or maybe its more right to say. i have always wnted to be normal, when will that day come? end of post.

ayun. andito na naman ako kasi para akong tanga na gusto ko na namang kausapin ang sarili ko. well, eto talaga ang mga kabaliwan ng mga tao na alam mo na, wala masyadong trusted friends. di lang siguro ako sinwerte sa basta yun. or its because i have trust issues. yeah that’s it. masyado lang akong emo at sensitive. kasalanan ba yun? well, ako nman ang nagssuffer lagi. somehow yung iba medyo affected pero hindi nman masyado. maraming nakakainis na bagay sa mundo. at sa kasamaang palad isa ako sa mga tao na mabilis mabadtrip. wala nman kasing masyadong involved na tao sa buhay ko. kaya once nman na madisappoint ako dahil sa isang tao. feeling ko masyado na kong broken. huh? anudaw? well sya na naman kasi. sya lang nman ang dahilan. di nman ako nawawalan ng pag-asa na magiging okay ang lahat sa amin. pero ewan. masyado lang akong seryoso sa halos lahat ng bagay. parang kailangan lahat may meaning, may reason, may something. di pwedeng basta. di lang talaga siguro ako marunong mag adjust sa mga bagay na nakasanayan ko. or lagi lang akong nag eexpect. kaya laging naddisappoint. eto ako ngayon. gutom. pero nagkunwaring hinde. nagsasayang ng oras at pera dito sa compshop at nagpapakatanga na kinakausap ang sarili. alam ko nman na naiinis ako sa mga bagay na hindi ko naiinitndihan. sa kasamaang palad, masyadong maraming bagay ang di ko naiintindihan kaya yun. wala nman akong ginawa kundi magpasensya at magpakaplastik. pero yun. di pa rin ako sanay. siguro nga baka yun lang ang solusyon. na masanay ako sa mga ganoong bagay. mahirap lang kasi sakin siguro na ipaintindi ang sarili ko or di ko lang talaga iexpress ang lahat. kasi ba nman, lagi akong masyadong affected sa lahat ng reaksyon sa kung saan saan. kaya yun laging playsafe. enough na nga about social issues. studies naman. seryoso na talaga to. babagsak nga kaya ako this sem? isa pa nga to. alam ko na hindi na talaga ko nakakapagaral ng matino. na sobrang daming lessons na yung hindi ko masyadong sineryoso. maraming quiz ang binalewala ko na. na parang feeling ko sure pass na lang lagi. kailngan ko na bang iready ang sarili ko. ano nga kaya ang mga posibleng mangyari pagtapos. hindi ko pa talaga mafeel ang posibilidad na pwede ngang mangyari ang ganoong bagay. siguro kailangan kong isaisip at isapuso ang dalawang bagay na pwedeng maaaring mangyari. dalawa lang nman yun. bagsak at pasado. para pumasa kailangan magaral. at pag bagsak kailangan mentally at emotionally ready rin ako. grabe. BABAGSAK BA TALAGA AKO? :| pero syempre kailangan pa rin magaral at alisin sa isip ang mga bagay na maaaring makasira sa focus. NA MATAGAL NG SIRA. MATAGAL NA. mga kalalakihan, yung mga sasabihin ng ibang tao, at concern sa ibang tao? concern nga ba talaga ko? grabe ha, isa ba talaga yung malaking problema? ewan. lalaki, oo. grabe naman kasi. babae nman ako medyo abnormal nga lang tsaka madaling maobsses kasi ba nman bakit pa ba nageexist ang mga gwapong kalalakihan sa mundong ito. at bakit pa nila ako kailngang kausapin, hindi ba nila napapansin na hindi naman ako, hay ewan. isa akong assuning at abnormal na babae, period. na maraming problema. mga simpleng problema na lagi ko na lang pinapalaki. grabe, wala na agad sya </3. grabe lang ha. oh ano, ok ka na? pwede ka na bang maglunch? meron pang isa eh. di ko pa naddiscuss. yun yung lagi na lang akong takot sa recitation. di nman bago yun eh. pero kasi bakit parang feeling ko lumalala. feeling ko they are always ready but i am not. parang ako lang lagi ang nawawala sa kawalan. grabe lang ulit ah. kabwiset nman kasi ang katakot nming prof tsaka yung isang subject na parecite ng parecite. nakakaubos ng powers at concentration yung kaba and frustration, grabe lang. minsan nga sa sobrang wala ako sa normal state napapaisip ako na magbf na lang kaya ako, landiin ko na lang kaya sya. haha. naiisip ko lang nman na maaring mabago ng isang lalaki ang buhay ko. hahaha, pero duh. di ko nman kayang gumawa ng first move no. baka nga mamatay na lang akong single and never touched. nyahahaha. kadiri lang. ayun tapos na. nasabi ko na ang gusto kong sabihin. naubos na ang aking energy at kailangan ko ng kumain. so ano na ba ang kailangan mong gawin ha. bigyan mo nga ang sarili mo ng advice. kasi wala namang ibang taong magbbgay diba? well. di ko alam. mgaral ka! wag kang magpakatamad please. kahit na alam mong sobrang sira ang focus mo. pilitin mong paniwalain ang sarili mo na may pagasa ka pa na maging focus sa lahat ng gusto mong gawin. second, wag ka masyadong oa. di ko alam kung ano na ba ang gagawin jan sa napakaikli mong pasensya pero. wala kang choice. nabuhay ka para intindihin ang ibang tao at magpakapatient kahit gaano pa karaming bagay ang mapansin mo na nakakainis. hindi ka nman Diyos para icontrol ang lahat. hindi! tandaan mo yan, please. matuto kang magadjust, makisama at mas umintindi pa ng mga bagay bagay. kasi kung hindi mo kaya yun, walang mangyayari sayo, wala. di matatapos ang disappointments ang mga reklamo mo sa buhay kundi ka gagawa ng paraan. about nman dun sa dalwang prof. grabe hopeless nman na ata yun. yun. ayun. yun na yun. kakain na nga ako, magaaral tapos. yun. kain uwe and internet ulet. cge yun na yun. haay.

020612 1153am

bakit ako nandito? well, umaasa lang naman kasi ako na ito ay makatutulong para tumino man lang kahit papaano ang pagiisip ko. eh kasi naman masyado na akong nagpapaapekto sa mga bagay bagay. nakakalimutan ko na ang mga bagay na importante. masyado akong nagpapadala sa aking emosyon.

eh ano ba naman kasing meron, ha? eh kanina, first subject sobra lang ako nabahala at napaisip. eh kasi naman, nakakatakot talaga ang prof namin dun. grabe lang. sa kasamaang palad, nirerequire nya kami magrecite sa klase. actually isa yun sa mga dahilan kung bakit sya nakakatakot. ang iba pang mga dahilan ay: ang mapanlinlang nyang ngiti, yung parang alam mo deep inside na hindi naman talaga sya uhm, basta parang wala namang dahilan para magpakita ng ganung kalaking ngiti, eh bakit ganun ang ngiti nya, actually basta weird lang ang ngiti nya period; pangalawa nagagalit sya, lahat naman ng mga thunders nakakatakot magalit. pag nagalit, mejo may halong ngiti at in a pajoke way sya kung magalit ata, kaya mas lalong nakakatakot. eh kaya lang naman kasi ako natatakot eh kasi hindi naman ako laging prepared sa klase nya. as in parang ang slooow ko lang talaga eh. kaya yun lagio akong frustrated at kinakabahan dahil sa subject nya. ansaya lang debah :|

pero hindi naman kasi yun ang talagang issue. ang issue kasi talaga eh, netong mga nakaraang araw eh masyado lang nababaliw ang utak ko dahil sa isang lalaki. epal nya lang. bakit pa sya ipinanganak? haha, ansama lang eh no. napagtanto ko lang na masyado kong hinayaan ang sarili ko magisip ng mga bagay bagay na hindi na dapat pinagaaksayahan pa ng .. ng .. ng ano? bagay na mga imposible? bagay na mali? bagay na uhhhh weird, unnecessary, basta parang tanga lang. paulit ulit kong pinaalalahanan ang sarili ko na hindi ko dapat iniisip ang mga ganong bagay, pero wala. fail naman. parang lumalabas tuloy na mas importante pa yun, kesa sa mga subject ko. alam ko na nga na kailangan ko maghabol sa halos lahat ng subject, tapos may oras pa ko mag-ilusyon :(

katulad kanina, kahapon at actually noong isang araw pa ata parang hindi na nagbago ang main topic ng mga iniisip ko eh. at yun ay tungkol lang naman sa assignment nya. kailangan ko pa bang itype lahat ng tungkol dun? wag na. baka sumakit lang ang ulo ko.

mga bagay na sa tingin ko ay dahilan ng aking pagkabaliw: una, eh ang cute nya lang kaya :”> badtrip lang eh. kaya pala may parang nagbago sa kanya. nagpagupit pala, mukha talaga syang anghel. sya naman kasi ang may kasalanan. kasi naman, natanggap ko na ang katotohanan na hindi na talaga magkakaron ng pagkakataon na magkausap kami. natanggap ko na na imposible talaga yun. eh bakit naman kasi nagstay sya sa tabi ko habang ginagawa ko ang assignment nya, nagkwento, tumawa, at naki-fc. wala namang issue sakin ang mga fc. nakakatuwa nga at may mga taong ganun eh. ayun. parang kasing sobrang basta, sobrang natuwa lang ako nung time na yun. nung ako ay nasa gitna ng oras na yun, hindi ko pa sya naconsider na something na special. after a few hours. ayun parang tsaka ko lang narealize na, wow at kung anu ano pang emosyon at kabaliwan ang sumunod.  teka pangalawang rason na yun diba? pangatlo, eh kasi naman. mag-isa sya dun sa unit nya, parang wala pa ata syang friends. so parang inassume ko lang na kailangan nya ang isang katulad ko. hahahaha, asa! yun lang ba? oo ata yun lang. -_- meron pa pala. pang-apat, eh ang boring lang kasi ng buhay ko diba. natetempt tuloy akong gumawa ng something new. hindi ko ba talaga kayang ihandle ang mga bagay na ganun? -_- fail naman kasi ata ang patry ko eh. or baka mali lang talaga at hindi dapat. or may consequences lang talaga siguro… ba yan -_-

mga bagay na dapat kong tandaan or mga dahilan para itigil ko na ang aking kabaliwan: una, hey dude, studyante ka po. kailangan mong mag-aral. nakakalimutan mo ata na ang first priority mo ay studies! hindi ka dapat nagpapadala sa emosyon mo. alam mo naman na napaka emosyonal mong tao. wag mong hayaan na masira ang kung anu ano kasi baka magsisi ka lang sa huli. kung balak mo lang naman magtry ng bago kung ano, wag mo naman kalimutan na may bagay kang hindi dapat kalimutan. haha. syempre studies nga yun kasi eh. napapansin mo naman diba na nasasayang ang oras mo sa dahil sa kabaliwan mo. kailangan mo ng tumigil. stop it, please. anopaba… may girlfriend yung tao at hindi kayo pwede okay! kahit na alam ko naman na hindi mo naman talaga iniisip na umabot sa mga ganung klaseng bagay. mali kasi na mahumaling ka sa isang lalaki, lalo na pag wala ka namang kayang ioffer and besides hindi naman talaga interesado yun fir sure. kahit na sabihin mo na freindship lang ang habol mo. utut naman. kelan pa nagkaron ng kasamang kilig at pagkabaliw ang friendship. pero actually nangyari na to kay nick eh. bakla naman yun. pero halo parehas lang rin no. badtrip lang talaga pag may ibang nagbabasa neto. wag sana syang grumaduate! anyway, ansama mo ever. anopaba. kahit na alam mong kailangan ng tao ng tulong, wag ka namang mafrustrate, never naman syang humingi ng tulong sayo. napasahan ka lang naman. kaya wag ka ng umepal please. 

so sana eh umayos na ang buhay naming dalawa. haha. sino bang maysabing magulo ang sa kanya. sayo lang naman yung magulo eh. pero kasi he possess that sad face no, basta sana mawala na yun. bahala na nga sya. matanda na yun. kaya na nya kasi ang sarili nya dude. wag ka masyadong concern please. hindi ka naman nya nanay! ikaw naman. eh tama na ha. hindi uso magpakabaliw sa amv. magpakabaliw sa pagaaral, oo. pero magpakabaliw sa ibang bagay, hindi. masyadong selfish ang course mo. ayaw na ng may kahati. hindi ka naman kasi katulad ng mga genius na nagaaral dun. trying hard ka kasi forever :|. 2 bagay lang ha, matanda na sya, at estudyante ka! :)

so okay ka na ha, kaya mo nang magpakanormal. good luck, dude. kaya mo yan. :D

012712 0228pm

hi. i am here again. wanting to write something good about this day, what i feel etc. so uh. theres an event in school. the 40, 000 voices something. i am not participating in that event. my reason is that: first i dont have the required attire for the event. actually, i could have done something about it. i honestly dont want to come, and friend whom i am always with dont want to come too. so there’s no reason for me to try to be in that event at all. i am quite glad that there is an event because it means that there will be no classes. i can spend my time reviewing for the many subjects that i should study. unfortunately, my roommate’s friends are all there in our place. i just cant study. i can try, but i choose not to. because i know that i’ll fail. and i think if i’ll start studying, they will say something and i just dont like that to be happenning. i dont have a laptop thats why im here in the internet cafe. wasting my money. i just felt like i was not part of whatever they are doing or discussing. i was a stranger in that place. i never felt them recognizing my presence. i dont know. maybe im just feeling a little weird and irritated because i wanted to do something but i cant and its because theyre there. laughing, sharing stories. whats worse is i know that i will never be part of those things that they are doing. and it sucks. bullshit. and uh. i just easily get annoyed and irritated. the best thing that i thought doing is leave the place. always leave, run from whatever makes me feel weird or what i think is wrong. huh. its not really like that. i think its better because i choose not to prolong the agony anymore. i was doing myself a favor. yeah thats it. this is nonsense btw, kbye.